fatespoken | ∞ [ audio]

[The first question catches her off guard, as it's something that she's both not expecting and not prepared to deal with. Her immediate answer is yes, but she doesn't know how she feels about letting Amory in on that bit of her.]

Are you drinking right now?

[ And he'd understand her uncertainty toward answering his question, if only because he'd feel the same way if he wasn't stuck in his current state. ]

There's always a bottle on my nightstand.

Put the bottle down, Amory.

[She doesn't presume to think that this kind of a request - or order - will go over successfully, but it's worth a try. Tiny amounts of sobriety first, answers to his questions second.]

That's like trying to take bread from a starving man's hands, Claire. I can't.

If you want me to talk to you about this, if you want to talk about this - and considering you brought it up - then put the bottle down.

You can pick it up again in a second.

I don't want to talk to anyone about anything. I don't know why I'm even-

Ignore me, ignore this. Just forget about it, Claire.

You don't just ask a person how they feel about murdering a murderer and pretend it's something you can forget about.

It doesn't involve you, so why does it matter? You're not the victim in this game.

I didn't realize we were playing a game.

[Claire goes silent long enough to give the impression that she's done speaking at all, but overrides anything before this has a chance to be proven true. When she speaks again, her voice is somewhat detached.]

They say two wrongs don't make a right. Killing a killer doesn't even some scale, metaphorical or otherwise. [Another pause.] But sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

When is life not the circumstance of being chucked into chaos and having to fend for yourself? Chucked by something: Gods, deities, fate, biology.

Like ants in an ant farm.

[ And Amory fills that silence with more drinking, of course. ]

It won't make a right, of course. But it's a salve in its own way, an outlet, something to close the gap even if nothing will ever be right again.

[She's trying to follow, but she's never been overly good at this.]

Murder isn't a salve. Killing someone, whether it's right or wrong or what you have to do, isn't just a band-aid that you can put on a hurt to make it heal faster.

Actions come with consequence, even if someone has to play facilitator.

He's death is a long time due. You can't evade death forever-- [ An abrupt dry laugh. ] It's arrogance.

I didn't say they didn't. What I said was that you can't expect killing someone to just erase itself or fix every problem that you have.

[She snorts.]

Yeah, I guess so. Still, dying eventually and being the cause of death are two completely different things.

Do you really believe I'm stupid enough to think that? That I believe murder equates to an easy fix? It's a different sort of salve.

There's something to be said about revenge. Common morality rallies against it, common sense says it won't fix anything, but there's something in killing someone who did you wrong. [ He pauses. ] A relief. A feeling. Satisfaction.

Have you ever really killed someone?

[Going for the sweet spot, because she isn't sure she believes him.]

It's none of your business.

[ It's only because he's unhinged and feeling the effects of the alcohol that it all comes tumbling out. Funny how this does a better job than a curse that makes you speak your mind. ]

Nearly killed someone once, until my roommate pushed me out of the way. [ A rest, separating events. ] I've seen a lot of people die.

That's a common theme around here.

[And because it doesn't feel right asking questions when his wits aren't exactly at their best, she tries not to press.]

I've seen enough people die for one lifetime. I don't think it ever gets easier no matter the circumstances.

[ Even if she pressed, going as far to talk about that will probably meet steel walls.

Sometimes when things are stifled to the point of ignorance, they become inaccessible even to those who experienced them. If not inaccessible, at least hard to reach. ]

I think about it all the time. Again and again, imaging all the routes I could take to that one end.

Do you think about what you would've done -

[That's still asking too personal a question for the kind of situation that she's finding herself in. Claire exhales through her nose.]

They say that hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Of course it is.

It's also something you can learn from.

Obsessing over it won't get you anywhere, though.

I'm not obsessing over anything. I'm not-

[ I'm reacting. ]

I think this conversation is done.

Alright.

Get a glass of water before you fall asleep.

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