∞ [twenty-seven]

[fatespoken]

[ private | unhackable ]

You're fucking pathetic, Amory.

You keep reminding yourself of what you could have done, how you could have helped her - but what what's the point? Isn't this what you wanted? To live your life by Dissociation and Indifference. That model of life in which you don't have to bother with all the frivolities and requirements of friendship. If you didn't care, if you had been more careful not to get in this far-

But what are you even trying say, anyway? It's all just fucking empty rhetoric. Do you just like hearing yourself talk, Amory? You can't string together sense if you tried.

The truth is you're guilty because you care about her. Because she's your friend. Just like all the others. And you just can't avoid it, no matter how you try to pretend you don't have a heart.

...But even if you admit you wanted to help, what could you have done? You could have had the ability to help - the ability to do so fucking much, except that you're selfish. Not only to help Eden, to save the lives of all those people back home.

But my life forfeit for theirs? I can't do it. For faces I don't even know? Even if it's what I'm supposed to do- But they're the cause of their own fates anyways, every negative action reflects back on the cycle-

...its too early in the morning for this shit. this same old fucking garbage. just leave it alone

[/private]


Too bad all the fairies from that curse disappeared. I collected a few in a shoebox after a round of batting practice. Planned to pin them on my door like some fashion of lawn gnome (or door fairy in this case), and I even had the layout all planned in my head.

Too bad.

By the way, playstheblues? I don't think I can make it to work today. I've got headache like a jackhammer's fucking with my brain and I'd rather not go to work, where I'll most likely be 90% useless. But I'm not going to let you down, Blue. I'm not that type of employee, you know? So I'm going to spend my day home, researching drinks for that party at the Blue Light. I'll even test each of them out, just to make sure they're not some sort of noxious concoction. And I won't use moonshine, as I promised. Even though I suspect I can make some damn good bathtub gin.

Here's one, for example:

Mary Pickford
◈ 1 1/2 oz white rum
◈ 1 oz unsweetened pineapple juice
◈ 1/2 teaspoon grenadine
Strain into chilled cocktail glass and drop in a maraschino cherry.

It's like a feminine version of the Piña Colada minus the coconut, especially with that half teaspoon of grenadine. Though the Piña Colada is already fruity shit, so this is definitely a woman's drink. It's named after Mary Pickford— America's sweetheart and starlet of the silent film age. Ever watch Little Lord Fauntleroy? She was the girl you'd stick on your walls back then, all curls and saccharine smiles, and not a tit in sight. Ironically enough, she was actually Canadian.

So I'm just going to stay put with my bottle of aspirin and my liquor. I'll test as many as I can and do a write-up when I'm done. Sound good?

[ ooc; he's already intoxicated, since he's been drinking half of the night. which is why his post is all over the place. ;;

bedtime nao, will pick up tags when i'm up! ]